if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
