sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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