$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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