what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
