just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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