Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i think my cat just said my name.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
