i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
