listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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