a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.