you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster