cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.