nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
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those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
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Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.