this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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