yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You took a bar mat shot.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
