I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
