and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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