wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
