Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Threesome in a minivan. New low
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
