my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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