if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
