my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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