so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
