i permit you to call me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
