i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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