I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
