I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
