jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
this boner is exhausting
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
