spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
