Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
