oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
