I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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