Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
