I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
