So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
sarcasm needs its own font
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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