how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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