Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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