So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
