I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
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I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm both gender and math confused
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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