i think my mom watched the whole time
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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