I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
