So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I party with great urgency now.
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