My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
