A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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