I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize