All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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