I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
