I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
