We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
