Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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