How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
