i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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