I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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