TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
