Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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