I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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