I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
