bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
