we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
