i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
