WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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