getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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