I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
