i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
