You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
