even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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