so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
