God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Randomize
